A Day In The Life of Tart

Seriously. This is what my life is like.

A day in the life of me:

6:30am – alarm goes off.
6:30 and 30 seconds am – SNOOZE
6:35am – 2nd alarm goes off
6:35 and 30 seconds am – SNOOZE
[Repeat the above steps]
7:30am – stumble out of bed
7:30am – HYGENICS
7:35am – dress
7:37am – wonder where the fuck I threw my bra
7:39am – find bra under pile of books/yarn/jackets/thrown over bathroom door
7:41am – wonder where the fuck the shoes are
7:42am – find shoes under blankets on floor/in bathroom/ under dogs bed
7:43am – wonder why the fuck I don’t use the closets I have. Vow to use them.
7:45am – feed Gem!Rat while yelling at the dog to stop bloody whining for one bloody minute while I’m feeding the rats for the love of all that is holy before I cook you into tacos.
7:46am – grab Quorra!Rat the Neckwarmer.
7:46am – attempt to get the dog to sit down already so I can put her leash on.
7:47am – walk the dog while Quorra!Rat attempts to burrow in my hair/climb down my shirt
7:50am – tell the dog “OMG WILL YOU JUST PEE ALREADY?!”
8:00am – grab something resembling breakfast, lament about not packing a lunch.
8:05am – head off to work. Curse the slow ass cars that will cause me to be lateomgmove
8:30am – dash frantically to the time clock wondering how the hell it took me so long to get to work.
8:32am – start work
8:45am – sign on to trillian. Begin bored poking of people.
9:00am – realize no one is at work yet. Begin bored poking of twitter.
9:15am – wander to the breakroom to get cereal.
9:20am – start scanning ALL THE THINGS.
10:20am – start daydreaming about lighting the lazy bastard who couldn’t even check to make sure things scanned properly on fire.
10:30am – check email in hopes that an order came in so that I don’t have to scan anymore.
10:32am – will the phone to ring so I can stop with the goddamn scanning.
10:40am – grab for phone if it means I don’t have to scan.
10:45am – slack on twitter/IMs
[Repeat 9:20 – 10:45]
2:00pm – joke with coworkers about random crap because we are all bored.
4:00pm – ACTUAL WORK
5:05pm – curse traffic
5:30pm – get home
5:32pm – check food/water for the zoo.
6:00pm – Get back home for being dragged around the block by the dog
6:15pm – decide to read for a bit before dinner.
9:00pm – wake up from nap that I didn’t intend to take while reading.
9:15pm – make grilled cheese because I can’t be arsed to make anything else because it’s so late.
9:45pm – take puppy out for another walk. Threaten to cook her into tacos when she doesn’t want to pee.
10:00pm – shower.
10:15pm – vow to go to bed at a decent hour so I’m not a zombie in the morning.
1:00am – realize fuck it’s 1am and I am still awake
1:02am – fall asleep
1:02 and 30 seconds am – wake up when the puppy jumps on me. Realize I didn’t take her out.
1:03am – hunt for jacket.
1:05am – take dog out.
1:20am – SLEEPS.


Somedays there’s library visits. Or waking up earlier to take the boy to work too. But pretty much, yeah, that’s my life.

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